Being a family member or a friend of an active member of the military can be quite stressful. East Rutherford resident Liz Bucceri recalled taking a cell phone into the shower with her in case of any news involving her husband Matt, a marine who was serving in Iraq. She also recalled experiencing anxiety when people came to her home or knocked on her door, fearing the next car to pull up could be an officer informing her of her husband's death.
"He was on the frontline dodging bombs and missiles," she said. "The reality of losing him was more than real."
Many spouses of soldiers live on or near the base where their loved ones were deployed and have a network of other spouses on whom they can rely for emotional and practical support.
Bucceri had a good job in New York City and was not willing to leave it for a military base in North Carolina. Her husband was deployed and she began receiving e-mails and phone calls from her key volunteers.
The key volunteers, mostly wives of other marines in her husband's battalion, began inviting her to spaghetti dinners and other gatherings where they could share their stories, fears, anxieties and advice with one another. 
Bucceri wanted to talk face-to-face with someone who knew exactly how she felt. The nearest military family support group Bucceri could find was located in the Fort Hamilton section of Brooklyn. She then decided to start her own group.
In March, she started the Military Family Support Group, not only for military wives like herself, but for husbands, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, best friends, significant others and anyone interested in joining.
Reverend Donald Pitches of the First Presbyterian Church of Carlstadt offered the church's Community Hall to the group free of charge and offered to attend meetings to provide moral support and encouragement. Pitches described the discussions at meetings as mundane and personal in nature.
Family members want advice on things like handling separation and how to get in contact with a loved one overseas. Soldiers in attendance swap stories on everything, from how they spent their downtime to some of the horrors and atrocities they’ve experienced.
On July 10, Matt Bucceri told the group about the weather in Iraq.
"Your sweat evaporates. That's the only benefit of it being a dry heat," he said.
In other tropical climates, like Okinawa and the Phillipines, the humidity makes sweat stick to you "like basting a turkey," he said.
Debbie Foy a founding member of the group, has a son who did a tour of Iraq. Her son Richie is currently serving in Germany and she expects him home July 28. Foy and the Bucceris were the only members in attendance at the July 10 meeting. The group mostly discussed how to spread the word to attract more members.
Meetings are held every Tuesday 7:30- 9 p.m. at Community Hall, 500 Third Street in Carlstadt, just next door to the First Presbyterian Church.
To comment on this article, go to www.mycommunity.com.
